I had a dream
Posted by Alvina
Once I had a dream where I’d become friends with this guy. One day we’d be out, usually by the sea, and I say something to him which makes him chase me. Once I’m caught, he starts to tickle me. I run out of breath and plead for mercy, once he stops we stare at each other. Slowly he leans in and kisses me, embarrassed I pull away. He says he’s sorry that he shouldn’t have but I cut him off and tell him not to be sorry that I just don’t know what to do. He tells me he’ll show me and once again leans in to kiss me.
A nice dream where nothing goes wrong. The reality however is much more difficult. Now you’ve probably read my two previous posts where I talked about this guy. Yesterday we talked about it. It was nice, you know, him and me first just talking about random things, joking around with each other - which is something that I rather like. Later that evening he decides to go to my hometown with me. When I’m almost home we just stopped walking and talked some more.
He placed his arms on my waist and I was rather proud of myself that I didn’t flinch or shake him away. We got to talking about what happened the week prior and I told him, again, that all this was new for me. He leaned in a few times to kiss me, and I don’t know what happened but I know that I find kissing someone complicated. I just can’t seem to get it right. But, like I told him, I have him to practice with.
At one point I began to become a little embarrassed; I’m twenty-three years old and I’ve never kissed someone. Now, I know this is by my own choice and I don’t regret it but I’m a little embarrassed about that tiny little fact. He was quick enough to assure me and told me I’m just a sweet little innocent girl... I’m not sure how to take that but I thought it was rather nice (nicer than laughing at me).
I know that the only thing I can give him is honesty and that’s exactly what I’ve been giving him. I tell him that I don’t know much about this .... whatever it is. That I don’t know how I feel when he kisses me but I can tell you with all honesty that I didn’t not like the kiss(es)... I also told him that I’m interested in seeing where this is going, and to tell you the truth, I am.
[- I want to give a quick thank you to Victoria for her advise. It helped, so thank you!!]
I guess I found out…
Posted by Alvina
[This is a continuation of my previous post]
It turns out...he does like me. How did I find out? Simple, after school last Monday he went to the trainstation with me, when he normally goes with a classmate because they live rather close, and...kissed me. Yes, can you imagine someone wanting to kiss me? No, neither can I. But he did. Now mind it was just a peck on the lips because I was rather shocked by it... Well, no I wasn’t shocked I was more: What do I do now?
A little history on my past relationships: in my entire life I’ve had two boyfriends both we didn’t go any further than holding hands. So, you can imagine I’m rather inexperienced when it comes to dating, relationships and anything that evolves around that.
At the time I couldn’t really process what had happened but I hope I was reassuring him that I didn’t mind... at all. Appearently I failed at that because yesterday I got a text message where he asked me if he had shocked me. I told him he hadn’t that I just didn’t know what I should do. Later that evening he called me and we talked.
He told me that he rather liked me, thought I was beautiful (which I of course didn’t believe) and that I’m rather nice. He also asked me what I felt. I told him, honestly, that I don’t know for I really don’t know how I feel. I had wanted to give myself some time to think about it but I fear that he didn’t wanted to give me that time for he feared he had shocked me. I of course told him he hadn’t and that I (really) didn’t mind. So we talked...for like an hour and half. But it was fun - by the way; he was rather pleased to hear my voice (which made me embarrassed and thankful we were on the phone). After our phone conversation we spend some time talking on gtalk.
Back to the point; what do I do? I’ve no clue for I’ve never had a relationship before and I’m not even sure I want a relationship with him. How do you know you want to have a relationship with someone?
To tell you the truth, although I never thought I’d ever be in this (are similair) situation I had dreamed about it. The reality is so much harder and I’m struggling to find out what to do, what do say to him so I don’t hurt his (or mine) feelings... Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to about these sort of things...maybe then things would be clearer to me.
What does this mean?
Posted by Alvina
For about half a year my (other) classmates have been trying to set me up with one of my classmates. The things they’ve said have been kind of funny. Problem is...I may be interested in him. Now let me give you some background information on him, which isn’t a lot, he’d been in a relationship for about 2 years and they recently broke up. Ever since my classmates have been saying more often things that would indicate we are together. Now, before you start wondering, we are not.
My and my classmate have talked about this and what we think of what are classmates are doing. We both agreed that we should just let them talk. He has also told me that he isn’t looking for a new relationship and I can totally understand that.
Yet, sometimes the way he is with me indicates he wants more. For example; once he and I were waiting for my train to arrive and he was standing rather close to me and I mean really close; totally in my personal space. Castiel couldn’t have done it any better (*sorry for t he Supernatural reference). Yesterday we were at his house doing some homework because he has broken his toe and wasn’t able to go to school. He took me to the busstation, because I didn’t know where it was. There he gave me a kiss on the cheek...nothing special right? Then why couldn’t I stop smiling?
Even now, when I think about it, I have a smile on my face. But it doesn’t mean anything, right? The kiss doesn’t mean anything because he’s not interested in a new relationship? And do I even want a relationship with him? How do I know? I don’t understand this...what does this mean?
30 Seconds to Mars in Tilburg
Posted by Alvina
Concerts are my way to support a band I really like. I go to them to enjoy the music and to feel the energy of the band. My sister apparently doesn’t understand this for when we went to 30 Seconds To Mars in Tilburg on 8 June 2010, she decided that we shouldn’t be at the front because she didn’t want to. I told her I wanted to be at the front and she promised me we would... that didn’t happen.
But, even though I wasn’t at the front of the stage I had an amazing time. Round 8 or 9 in the morning my sister and I went to Tilburg, which is about 40-50 minutes away from our hometown. When we arrived we immediately went to the venue and saw about 50 people there already waiting. Note that it was about 9 am and the concert would begin at 8 pm. My sister and I decided to walk around town because we didn’t feel like waiting in line.
We had a good time walking through the city later with Gary as well. When it was time to go to the concert we were somewhere in the back. At one point this rather tall person went to stand in front of me and we asked him to take a few steps down; suddenly he started bitching. My sister and I, we were both like ‘WTF?!’ and eventually he left. So I could see the stage clearly.
Make Believe went on and they were good, not amazing but good. Then, finally it was time for 30 Seconds To Mars. They started with ‘Escape’ and went right into ‘Night of the Hunter’. Jared was nuts! He did talk way too much and often I was like ‘Shut the f*ck up and sing already’ but the concert was still amazing. He sang a part of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance with perverted lyrics. He also sang, and that must have been the highlight for me, Alibi! It’s definitely my favourite song and Jared sang it! He has such an amazing voice and completes this song completely.
Of course, they sang the kill which was awesome as well. What I didn’t like, however, was when Thirty started singing ‘One Hundred Suns’ the fans messed up the summit parts. They started way too early. I was like ‘If you don’t know the song don’t bloody well sing it!’ but, hey, that’s just me!
All in all, the concert was amazing. Shannon even went crowdsurfing. That was hilarious! Jared obviously jumped into the crowd during ‘The Kill’ and Tomo and Tim went nuts. I have the entire concert (excluding Kings and Queens) on my computer and am definitely watching it soon.
After the show my sister and I went outside and got a picture with Shannon. I had hoped Jared, Tomo and Tim would get out as well but by the time we left they hadn’t come out yet and I didn’t feel like waiting hours at an end.